Update: still sucky, but there is light

I haven't managed to completely turn off the Josh Groban quite yet, but I have noticed there aren't the darkest clouds floating over my head anymore. Although, isn't it weird when you are going through a grieving process how you kind of feel bad when you don't feel as bad? It's like, wait I should still feel really bad, but it's nice to not feel so bad. Emotions = all mixed up. I'm almost worried that by next week I won't feel nearly as bad and then does that mean I'm forgetting or not caring as much anymore? I know it doesn't obviously, but it's even a little scary to me that someday I'll be "okay" with all of this even though it is soooo not okay.

Allright, that's my update for now, I just noticed New Kids on the Block are on t.v. and grandma would want me to watch this. Although, she would also remind me that having all those pictures taped up all over my walls was not cool with her back in the day.

Happy Friday/Weekend everybody.

Suckerpunched (alternate title - this post is a major downer you've been warned)

One week ago.

It was one week ago I lost a woman I've admired and looked up to my entire life. It was one week ago I realized things I've known and looked forward to my entire life will never be again. It was one week ago that a piece of childhood I've carried with me into adulthood died. One week ago I lost grandma. One miserable, no good, very bad week.

I feel cheated, I feel sad, I can still break into tears at any unexpected moment during the day. One week and she is gone. She's supposed to be coming up here, she's supposed to be making Grandpa soup in Georgia, she's supposed to be complaining about squirrels eating the bird seed, she's supposed to be watching Sean and Jackson play baseball this spring. She's supposed to be lots of thing, what she's not supposed to be is gone.

The funny thing is I have it easy. I'm back home with my kids, my husband and my "normal" life, even though nothing quite feels normal yet. I think of my Georgia family and the fact that they are in her house everyday where it smells like her and where her slippers and cane sit by the bed waiting for her to come home. I think of Grandpa and how his wife of 63 years is suddenly not sleeping next to him in bed anymore. I think of my mom and aunt and uncles who lost their mommy and I honestly can't imagine how hard that is if it's this hard on me. I think of my cousins in Georgia who are much younger and who are used to seeing her everyday. Maybe all of this is actually making it harder on me since I feel so useless 500 miles away. I can't do anything to help ease the pain there and I'm just supposed to be back home and ok - like a week ago before everything suddenly changed.

My heart is so split right now. I long to be back in Georgia grieving and healing with my extended family, but at the same time selfishly want to be here with my kids who ease the pain just by being them.

When people ask how I'm doing, I say that it's hard but that I was lucky to have her for so long - but the truth is, I'd like to tell them I feel like shit, that my heart is broken and wasn't ready to stop making memories with her. Of course, then I feel selfish because I realize she was 86 and that she did live a very full life, and believe me I'm grateful for that, but that just doesn't seem to matter to my heart right now. It hurts like crazy and wishes she had 96 or 106 years like I would have bet my life savings she would have.

I keep trying to find comfort in something the Minister said. He said that the grief that we're all feeling, the heartache - that's the price we pay for loving someone. It's so true and surprisingly comforting for me. When I cry, when I don't feel like doing anything but curling up on the couch with the blanket she knitted me, I think of those words. I feel this way because I loved her so much. I'm paying a relatively small price right now in exchange for 34 years of loving my Gram.

I think this week is just getting to me more than I anticipated, everything moved so fast last week there wasn't much time to catch your breath. So, now that I'm back home it's just been a little bit of a rough adjustment. I'll be okay, though, I'm just paying the price for love and it's a price I'd pay a million times over for the time I spent with my Grandma. Just don't be suprised if you ask how I'm doing and I tell you the truth....

Hopefully I will return to unregularly scheduled happy blogging sometime in the near future. For now, please excuse this downer post, but this is a good outlet for an emotional Jones like me, too bad I didn't get more of those Schubert genes... Grandma would probably be mad at me for being this much of a downer. She'd tell me turn off the Josh Groban and pull myself together. So, I'm going to try that, I'll let you know how it's going next week.

Must. Decorate. Now.

I couldn't take it anymore - I had to "decorate" my blog for Christmas. I have no time for anything right now (much less the 38 loads of laundry that keep piling up since the whole Branson extravaganza) but I needed the holiday spirit on the blog. (PS - I'll be happy to do this for my blog friends, too, just let me know. I'm a little backed up for this week, but this weekend I can help you out. I'm totally payable in Starbucks giftcards. :)

More to come about Branson, hosting a Turkey Day party for 28 people and Christmas festivities being kicked off... but for now, here's a too cute picture of what we did last Sunday:


Isn't that look ridiculously cute? You just want to pick her up and put her in your pocket and carry her around anytime you need a dose of adorable. .. at least for the 5 minutes that she wasn't laying on the ground sobbing hysterically that she "needed" that other tree...

The Obligatory Fall Pumpkin Patch Post

I think this was one of my first visits to a pumpkin patch other than an Eckerts, but since Eckerts is mostly Apples, I'm guessing that doesn't count. The only reason I got Tim to go this year was due to a certain 2 year old whose finger he is pretty tightly wrapped around. Personally, I would have gone to these kids or no kids, but at least now he doesn't have a choice. This year, the weather was a little warm and the babies sometimes got a little cranky (except for Rachel, I think she got the good baby award that day), but all in all we had a fun October outing. Pumpkins, funnel cakes and friends... a perfect October Saturday...

Take a look at all the pics and commentary here.

Oh, and here's a little tip to pumpkin farmers, you might want to consider having
Anheuser Busch Inbev sponsor your patch in the future - you might have a little better attendance from types similar to my husband.

There was even an Indoor pool, but of course we didn't bring our suits...

My awesome sister in law got us two, TWO! adjoining mini-suites for our trip to Chicago this past weekend. Thank god for all the traveling that Molly does and those wonderful points she has stored up cause honestly, had it not been for the nice rooms and space we had, surely someone may not have survived the weekend.

This past weekend, we made the annual pilgrimage to Chi-town for a Delanty family golf tournament and banquet in celebration of one of their cousins who passed away from Leukemia many years ago. It's always a great time to catch up with extended Delanty family and raise money for a great cause. We've only missed one and that was two years ago when Bridget was only 3 weeks old - and that's not even why we missed it, we would have gone then, but I had a good friend getting married that same weekend. So, we were excited to go this year and show the newest Delanty member off to the rest of the family. However, that never quite happened.

People, it rained. Like monsoon, hurricane rain. Oh sure, I know what you're thinking - well it rained a lot in St. Louis, too. It did, but did it rain over 9" in a 24 hour period? Okay, maybe so, but this is my blog and I want to whine about poor us stranded in Chicago with two teeny tiny little humans that need A LOT of attention. Actually, while I'm on this subject, I would also like to lodge a formal complaint with the tiny human department. It would be nice if on weekends like this when there is a 48-hour torrential downpour and where certain larger humans did not pack the right clothes or nearly enough supplies or toys for that downpour, if for those incidents only, tiny baby humans would all of a sudden not only understand the concept of pulling covers over the head and settling in for a Law and Order marathon, but they would welcome and encourage it. Whew, I know I feel better now that this formal complaint has been lodged.

But since a L&O marathon was not to be, we instead watched the rain fall like the events we were supposed to attend. First to succumb was of course the golf tournament. TPD was of course sad, but we did manage to find the Mizzou game on at a bar that served something called a Table Tapper, so things had started to look up a little - at least until Molly and him took a little drive to the location of the evening's banquet dinner and found this:
That's the entrance to the park UNDER THREE FEET OF WATER where the banquet was supposed to take place. Suffice it to say (after they did try unsucessfully to find another location) the dinner was called off, too.

So, we bucked up like any little camper in a monsoon would; we hung out in the hotel room and watched a lot of CNN Hurricane Ike coverage to try and make ourselves feel better about our situation. Although when the weather man chuckled, "Well, if you're in Chicago, you're not technically in a hurricane, but you might as well be" that didn't make us feel much better.

So, this was definitely a BDI for the record books. While we endured many crabby moments between all of us, we also had a lot of fun together and have a funny story to tell for years to come and we ate out a lot and that's always fun, right? To, see a photo recap of the soggy weekend, check out my picasa pics.

Here's the only pic I have of us actually outside the hotel room, it was usually raining too hard for me to even want to transport my camera along with everything else, so this was taken from tpd's cell phone:

Oh, yeah, and this is taken moments before I spilled that $9.00 margarita all over the place. Yup, that about sums it up...

It's not like I did this for 45 minutes or anything...

Happy Birthday Uncle Mark/Lil' G! Hope it's a great 3-1!

What's that you say, you think you're water just broke? Well, cool...

I can't believe I'm spending today playing with pictures of my NEW NIECE! It's just too crazy! And, OH MY GOD, I have a new NIECE... wait I have a niece PERIOD. I never had one before and it's so awesome. And she's so B-U-TIFUL. Sorry for all the UPPER CASE blog "yelling", but I can't help it. It's just that COOL!

I was falling asleep last night at 10:22pm (yes, that was the time exactly because Tim and I both looked at each other like, "who the hell is calling now?") when the phone rang. Neither one of us even thought about it being an early arrival from baby indy, even though just hours earlier we had been teasing Lil' G about the possibility. "I think my water broke" Kim said and it truly didn't sink in with me. I guess I was a little in denial or sleep deprived state, but I just kind of calmly took it all in and relayed it to tpd. He was all like, "are you awake? Do you realize what your saying?" In all honesty, it wasn't until about 1/2 hour later that I was like - whoa - they're really going to have the baby soon - like not in a month, but in a 24 hour time span and then I was awake and soooo excited!

I spent most of the night waiting for news, texting them back and forth (and when I say them I mostly mean Kim - that girl is a lean, mean, labor texting machine) and watching Poker after Dark (I highly recommend this for late night baby feedings or insomnia). I was super tired from a rough night with Shane the night before, but I was too excited to sleep. It was a great night - so exciting and so much fun getting the next ding of a text message.

I got the call shortly after 5am that the baby would soon be here and as I managed to drift to sleep one last time I was actually dreaming about the baby and got the news it was a girl in my dream only to have my brother call a few minutes later telling me that I was correct - a little perfect brand new babygirl was here and I could come meet my niece - Amelia!

Congratulations little bro and sis-in-law! I'm so happy Amelia is here and everyone is doing well (albeit a little shell shocked from her abrupt arrival) but happy and healthy and what more could we really ask for? Love you guys and love my little pretty niece!

Here are the rest of the pics I took at the hospital.

This post is mostly just so we don't have to look at Al's big face anymore

Hope everyone had a great Mother's day! I'll post a few pics of what my KIDS (even though I don't know if Shane pulled his weight this year being 9 days old and all) did for me.

One of the pictures Bridget made for me at school.
You can see the handprints in the photo below. Too cute!

My new Phil & Ted's double jogging stroller. I was TOTALLY shocked by this present!
Thanks TPD (and thanks Kim for the help), I absolutely love it!

With the both of them - two babies, two years, two mother's day! Crazy, but so much fun!

At our Mother's Day brunch at Nicoletti's - it was yummy!

I posted more pics up at picasa of all the fun festivities.

On one other note, this year was a little bittersweet for me as I remember last year at this time when we lost Karla on mother's day. I was actually at the exact same plant stand this year when it hit me that was exactly where I was one year ago when I got the call that she had passed away. I think Mother's day will always remind me of that, but I will use it moving forward to remember what a fun and spirited mom she was and to honor her memory on this day, too, just like all other moms. Karla, you were and still are a great mom and your spirit is remembered every day in your two beautiful kids.

Hope all the mom's out there had a great mother's day!

Ludacris will always have a special place in my heart

Don't try to act like you guys didn't see this post coming:


Just like it was yesterday, I can still see Tommy and Michael standing on coolers clinging for dear life to the handles on the sides of the limo bus. They are dancing and singing to sweet melodies like Ludacris's Get out the Way and Action Mrs. Jackson, I am for REALLLLLLLLLL.... it's an amazing atmosphere full of genuine excitement and I'm trying to take it all in knowing it's a fleeting moment in my life, but one with such significance. It's real, we're married and all these crazy people on this bus are here to support us and to celebrate with us because they are genuinely excited for us, well, that and we have free beer on the bus.

That day was filled with so many fun moments, I'd be here forever if I tried to recap them all, but a few off the top of my head that made the day so awesome:

• Waking up in my house where I'd spend 27 years growing up and going downstairs to find mom working on last minute favors (we won't go there) and seeming so excited and happy even though now I realize that must have been a day filled with lots of mixed emotions for them.
  
  
• White balloons on the lamppost and more white balloons all around town (Tim's house, Tim's parents house) set out by my parents earlier that morning so we would all awake to a nice wedding day surprise.
  
  
• My dad trying to pull a last minute swap on my father/daughter dance song to the schmaltziest, tug at your heart strings Barbara Streisand song (shocking, isn't it?) but, it was classic dad and just added to the funny moments of the day.
  
  
• Stepping out of the van onto Mary Queen's parking lot and have the reality of the day hit me and having a serious fight or flight instinct and for one brief moment thinking about being the runaway bride - obviously, I got over it.
  
  
• Dad walking me down the aisle and doing a last minute brush over of my veil as we almost forgot the blusher as the doors opened.
  
  
• Walking down the aisle and thinking "oh my god, that's Delant, I'm actually marrying Delanty", it most definitely felt surreal.
  
  
• Walking out of the church as husband and wife and having a few minutes to ourselves that was the most perfect time.
  
  
• Dad's heart tugging speech, Tommy's gotta-be-as-fast -as-me-to -get-half-of-these- hilarious-references speech and Sheryl's sweet maid of honor toast
  
  
• Dancing with both of my Grandpa's and listening to them talk about their brides of 50 and 60+ years and how to "not sweat the small stuff", to say the least, it was pretty special.
  

In the interest of time and so as not to completely indulge myself, I will just say these are some of the major things I carry with me from the day. There are so many more little moments that I can remember and hopefully always will, but the moral of our wedding story has to be that, it's true what they say, you can stress and stress about pantone colors and program paper and every minute detail until you go crazy, but looking back 5 years removed, those things just aren't what I remember.

What really matters five years later? That's easy, the same things that mattered five years ago today: Good friends, a loving and supportive family, Tim and I becoming a family and of course, a little Ludacris and some free beer.

Happy Anniversary Delanty!

Yup, here's some more photos of this day, you didn't think only two would suffice did you? I scanned some pics from Sheryl's wedding scrapbook for us! Kim - you made the scrapbook, too! Happy 5th Anniversary to Mark and Kim's first date, too!

Imagine what I'll put up with 12 years from now...

It all started Thursday of vacation week. We were getting ready to go somewhere and I was hurriedly trying to get babygirl to finish eating. She was being kind of fussy about it and kept putting her hand up as if to say, "hold it woman, I'll let you know when I am ready to continue...". Well, after a few rounds of this, I looked at her and said "look, missy, there is only room for one snickelfritz in this family, and I took that position 30 years ago."

A little background information on being a "snickelfritz" is that my next door neighbor Mr. Will, a second grandpa to me, bestowed that name on me as a young child. I'm pretty sure you can surmise the meaning behind that term on your own, but I always chose it to mean the smartest, most intelligent and beautiful kid in the neighborhood, but that's neither here nor there and I'm betting my parents probably have different definitive words of me as a child...

Anyway, after I said that to her, I furrowed my brow and gave her a little look to let her know that I am the Queen Snickelfritz and I don't plan on relinquishing my crown anytime soon. Well, after looking at me for a second and seemingly understanding exactly what I said to her, she did something similar (I don't have photos of the actual exchange) to this right back:

Hmm... you think you're the only one in this family that can be a snickelfritz?

I don't think so lady, you've got another thing coming.

I most certainly have the ability to be the world's
biggest and BEST snickelfritz ever.

Yeah, I'm talking to YOU, Queen Snickelfritz...

What, little old me? What did I do?
Aren't I just the sweetest cutest thing you've ever seen?

Ahhh, Mr. Will, you would be proud...
(and, okay, okay, so am I... just don't let her know!)

No one likes getting punched in the stomach

The past couple weeks have been very busy for us. So busy in fact that I'm not entirely sure where the past month went. I remember thinking on June 1st how fast things were going to come at us, but I didn't even realize that typing this on - oh! *sidebar - it's actually Bridget's 10 month bday today* - June 26th, that the past 4 weekends would seem like such a blur. With this influx of crazy life things, I wanted to make sure to take a little time to highlight an event that I think, (I hope) was a nice one and a baby step in the healing direction for my cousin's family. This is the cousin that lost his wife to breast cancer last month.

So you can probably guess, but the event was the Race for the Cure on June 16th. I was pretty excited about going to this since I didn't get to go last year (I don't know why - maybe because I was 7 1/2 months pregnant, but honestly, I think it was more that Tim was out of town and I was lazy without him, but anyway... I didn't make it last year). It's probably better that I wasn't there last year so that I didn't have the memory of Karla in a pink survivor shirt crossing the survivor finish line. I can't imagine what they must have been feeling doing all the same things they did last year but without the hope and optimism that she had beaten cancer and most of all without her.

It was hard enough for me and I didn't expect how sad it would make me, so I can only imagine how they were feeling. Now, on the flip side, there was a sense of doing something. Something small, yet something important and hopefully something that Karla would want us to do... we kept fighting for her.

They've been kicked in the teeth by cancer - given a "cancer-free" diagnosis only to have her taken from them in less than a year from that diagnosis. And yet they got back up. Not even a month after losing a mom and wife, they put on their "Karla's Krew" shirts and they kept fighting. Fighting for her memory and fighting for all the other women that are still fighting and it was powerful to watch and be a part of. I don't know if I would have that strength.

I once asked my mom and dad, shortly after Ryan had died, when you stop feeling like you are getting punched in the gut. It's like you're going along fine, you even start to sing along with the car radio again and then there it is - whammo - right there, right in the pit of your stomach all the way up to your throat. It's that feeling that all is not right in the world. When, actually, in reality, all will never be "right" again.

Maybe part of the healing process is to find your new "right"- perhaps it's finding a way to honor and remember those that we have lost. Maybe it's through events like Race for the Cure or maybe it's just simply finding a way to connect with those we have lost, that we keep memory alive and find strength and, hopefully over time, we find we are getting punched in the stomach a little less and singing along with the radio a little more.

Karla, I know these days I'm singing along to Jimmy Buffett's "Barefoot Children in the Rain" with a little less sadness and a little more strength... for you.

---

Take a look at the whole album here.

Race for the Cure

Future Computer Programmer?

Lately, this is the ONLY place babygirl likes to be when we are working - directly under my chair and between the two CPU's. As you can see, she thinks it's VERY funny.

She's starting to learn how to ham it up for the camera, ah.. such a mama's girl...

I had to take drastic measures to keep her from pushing
the pretty blue blinking power button AGAIN!

Sorry for the lack of posting lately, I know you all know why, but I think I am getting ready to get back in the swing of things. It's been a rough couple of weeks and will continue to be hard, but thanks to everyone for all the support, cards and prayers for not only us, but most importantly for Steve, Karla, Kailey, Jake and my entire extended family. They still need the prayers, so keep 'em coming.

We had a great weekend at the Ehlert's wedding and it was incredibly nice to be out with good friends and to, not forget, but to be surrounded by people that care about you is so important when life is harder.

The last week was one of the hardest things I've ever experienced, but as I've said before, I'm trying to use that as a learning experience and to keep doing more positive things. One thing I will take from the funeral service was what Steve said in a letter he wrote to Karla, I'm paraphrasing, but it went something like this, "the laundry may not be done on Sunday nights, the grass may not be cut and the house may be messy, but 20 years from now our kids won't remember those things, but they will remember all the trips to Branson with family, vacations to Florida and camping trips at Lake Carlysle". He's so right and if there's one thing that Steve and Karla did know how to do it was to live life to the fullest and they certainly crammed a lot of quality in what was definitely too short of a time and we could all take a lesson from that.

Thanks again for the love and prayers. I love all of you if I don't say that enough...well, I know I don't, but I do, I even love you non-blog readers.

It's a Josh Groban kind of morning..

Tim just walked upstairs and said, "why are you listening to church music?". Defensively, I corrected him that it was not church music, it was Josh Groban. Of course, not knowing who Josh Groban even remotely is he just gruffed, "well, sounds like church music to me..."

He's right, it does sound like church music, but some days, especially right now during these very difficult times, I sometimes feel better by making myself - or maybe allowing myself - to listen to sad songs and feel down. To accept the sadness, to accept the aching in my heart that is constantly underlying, to acknowledge it and say to it, "hey, I know you're there, and right now, I'm going to let you come out and play for a little while..."

I'm trying and sometimes succeeding at believing that what my family and mostly my extended family is going through right now is a part of life. Take the beautiful baby girl that lights my days - she just entered my life - out of nowhere and became the biggest part of it, all in less than a year.

Just like I can't believe something like that can just happen, I also can't believe that such bad, terrible and completely horrible things can just happen... to really, truly good people. It's clichéd and certainly trite, but it is truly a cycle of life. I am not good at accepting it and I really don't think I ever will, but I am witnessing it and I am trying to learn and grow from it the best that I can.

So, while I struggle with emotions and showing them or masking them, today I am wearing them. I am saying to them, come out, just for now, just for this Josh Groban morning, let me feel the pain, the sadness, and then go back to your little hole deep in my heart until I need you (and Josh Groban) again...

---

P.S. To counter balance this downer post, you'll notice I've changed the look of the blog with a cute new summer look. That was, before the JG songs came out, but at least, it's not all so sad, right?


PALTSKKJ

At last ! Mr. & Mrs. Ahren Jetensky

I've been extremely remiss in not commenting on how great my cousin Christina's wedding was. Although the weather didn't cooperate, I think everyone would say the wedding was a big success and judging from some of the truly awesome pics, I now understand why people say rainy/cloudy wedding days make for great pictures. Here are just a few of my favorites:

This is my cousin Lori's daughter Lauren. She was a great little flower girl and I think this is one of the coolest flower girl wedding pictures I've ever seen. Look to the right and you will see the petals are in a big puff up in the air! So cute!


Here's another sample of one of them - don't they look too cute!



Now for one I took:


Some of my cousin's cool kids :


Pictures I took of the wedding can be found here.

And photograher pictures are here (warning - there are quite a few, but worth the time if you have it since there are some truly amazing ones!) I think the photographers did an unbelievable job. I joked with Chris that they could wallpaper a room with the number of awesome pictures there are of the two of them.

Congratulations to you both! I'm so happy for you and love you mucho!

PALTSKKJ

Like father, like son and daughter...

Happy 60th Birthday Dad...

Here's a little video to celebrate his 60th and kick off where he'll be spending his next 60...it is in a home...a lake home that is!




Happy Birthday Dad!

We love you!

PALTSKKK

Welcome Cole Daniel!

Babies, babies everywhere!

Chris and Kristi welcomed Cole Daniel into the world yesterday evening at 5:40pm. After waiting months to find out whether we had a he or a she and what the name would be we are all so excited to finally have Cole here!

Aunt Charlotte gave the following update:

"The beautiful red-headed baby weighed in at 7lbs 6oz and is 19 and a half inches long. Although born by Caesarean, mother, father and baby are doing beautifully. Thank you God for this new and wonderful miracle."

Congratulations guys - Bridget can't wait to meet her new cousin and neither can we!

ps - Come on Gianino's - I know you all have digital cameras...how about a picture of this little red headed man - you're killing us!! Update 3/16/2007 7:32pm - retraction issued - thanks for the photos he's a cutie!!

Awwww dad....stop it you're embarrasing me...

Super cute pics of dad and daughter on Valentine's day - night. Both babygirl and I got flowers and cards from tpd and we had fun opening up and playing with all the swag. For some cute pics of how babygirl spent her day with her main squeeze, Matthew, you can check out Aimee's blog. Although they didn't seem to care about each other at times, you could definitely feel the love at other times. I think Aimee said it best when she said, "it's a stormy relationship"!




PALTSKKJ

ba ba ba ba wa ba wa ba wa

Yes, this is the newest sound filling our house these days. It used to be just a stream of aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh ahhhhhhhh, but now we have some rhythm. I actually think I enjoy it a little better than the 20 second solid screeches, but I hope those don't go away just yet either.

The other funny thing that babygirl has taken up, no thanks to tpd, is spitting. Not the adorable little raspberry things (where did that name raspberry come from btw, I mean I've never heard a raspberry make a sound in my life personally, but I digress...) they are more like full-blown baseball player spits which makes daddy really proud. If you're not careful you end up with a face full of baby spit and formula, it's really appetizing, let me tell you. Not to mention that it immediately ruins anything I put on her.

Last night in the car it was back and forth between Bridget's lovely spitting and tpd's rebuttal. I swear, I felt like I was yelling at two kids, "tim, stop encouraging her, seriously.. she needs to go to sleep... stop it, that's the last one, seriously..." in between trying not to laugh the whole time as she answered every one of his spits. I'm sure this was just a small snapshot into future things to come as tpd continues to encourage whatever he deems "funny" behavior... should be fun.

Lastly, we had a great time routing for the colts/bears at the Muldrow's house this past Sunday. Lots of good food and good times and it was a pretty good Superbowl considering I would have been pretty happy with either team winning. The only bad thing was the mood of babygirl when she first got there. She especially was not a fan of her Uncle Mark, but I'm pretty sure we've rectified that problem:


PALTSKKJ

A thousand words...

I have a new picture collection for everyone! You can still access the old collection at: http://delanty.shutterfly.com, but the new one will contain all pictures from 2007. The new address is:

http://delanty07.shutterfly.com

PALTSKKJ

Just a day in the life...

It's just a regular monday so far (besides the raging cold that I am still fighting and unfortunately losing the battle against). Babygirl wakes up and contently talks to herself, Tim and I start rousing and I begin looking feverishly for my sudafed so I can breathe again when the phone rings.. "it might be your dad" Tim says as I try to become conscious enough to answer the phone and then I know, I know immediately why he is calling.
My grandma is gone.

Now I sit here struggling to figure out what emotions I am feeling. My grandma has not been "my grandma" for quite some time now so I've sort of lost a real connection with the person in that nursing home. Yes, it is her, it looks like her, there are familiar things around her, but I can't connect with her. Sure, I would go visit and I took babygirl there when she was only two weeks old to "meet" her great grandma, I talked to her and I did most of the things that I should do. But, what I didn't do was remember to keep the connection. I forgot all of the things that made my grandma so awesome...

I forgot to remember all of the sleepovers filled with games of ping-pong, chinese checkers and dummy rummy. I forgot that she would make sure I could sprinkle the powdered sugar on the brownies right after they came out of the oven since she knew it was my favorite thing to do. I forgot how she would cook Mark and I totinos pizza (with extra cheese on top - no wonder I love cheese so much) for a late night snack and let us watch Johnny Carson when we would spend the night. I forgot all of the trips to the farm and the smell and sounds of grandma up early cooking breakfast so that it would be hot and ready when we would crawl out of bed. I forgot how her homemade biscuits were the best, how she would take us apple picking in the fall, how fun bathtime was at her house and how the smell of baby powder can still take me back there. I forgot about playing the piano with her and how we would sing along to "Tootsie Wootsie" and "Let me call you sweetheart" as she showed me the right chords to play and when to use the pedals. I forgot how proud I was when my grandma would play bells in church. That was "my grandma" up there I would proudly proclaim. I forgot how she would call me her girl or gal depending on the day or situation. "We just made it, didn't we gal?" she would say as we went through a yellow light. And what about those special Christmas mornings when everyone would gather at Grandma and Grandpa's house to show off our new toys, eat brunch and better yet - open more presents! That was Christmas morning to me and I'm sure helped to define why I love the holidays so much.

Yes, I'm sad, my grandma is no longer here in body with us, but I would be lying if I didn't say I feel some relief. Relief that she is no longer suffering or trapped in a body that won't let her bake brownies, play cards, or relive these very memories. I feel like maybe now I can regain a connection with my grandma instead of trying to force one with the person in the nursing home. She lived a great life and finally now, in death, hopefully has that life back; back to be with her husband, to remember her two sons and daughter, remember time spent with her eight grandchildren and nine great-grandchildren.

I can only hope that at this very moment my grandma is once again with the love of her life, my grandpa, and that they are listing to and maybe even dancing to some Glen Miller, drinking a highball and playing a game of gin rummy with grandma and grandpa Beinart. I love you both and I will miss you until we meet again.


PALTSKKJ