And there was NEVER a question....

I picked up Bridget's weekly school sheet on Friday, reviewed my usual favorite, "funny things children say", section only to find this gem (click on image to view largest):


To clarify, the spilled beer incident happened AFTER I picked her up as I was not drinking at the school nor were any of her teachers.

This really should surprise noone.

It's a little before 10am on friday. I'm sitting here wondering how it's 10am and I've got no billable hours in even though I've technically been up for almost 4 hours now. Let's review:

• 6am - got Baby Shane out of crib (note to babyshane: 6am is NOT COOL) dressed, fed and handed off to tpd to drop off early today.
  
  
• 6:45am - Babygirl is up (another note: this time, while more acceptable still does not fit into my approved toddler wake up time) and I get her dressed and up.
  
  
• 7:15am -Bridget and I leave to go get donuts since today is BS's last day in the infant room (sniff, sniff) - he graduates to the toddler room on Monday! So, we decide a Friday morning teacher appreciation Krispy Kreme donut run is in order.
  
  
• 7:30 am - Krispy Kreme. They are - no lie- out of donuts. Now, to be fair, their donut making machine is on the "fritz", but still... REALLY Krispy Kreme, REALLY?! Maybe we need to call in a 911 donut machine emergency and get it the f*ck fixed, but whatever, they still had a few sprinkled donuts left so Bridget was fine and we managed to leave with enough for the teachers at school. Sorry to all the poor suckas behind us that would get NO DONUTS FROM A DONUT STORE. As we left (we had to of course sit and eat a donut) they were actually turning people away empty handed.
  
  
• 8:30am - Back home from dropping off Bridget and ready to get to work. I finally make it up to my office, sit down with my fresh KK coffee (they weren't out of coffee luckily) start checking/responding to email when a little black kitty catches my eye. Oh! Could this be the black kitty that I've seen signs for all over the area? Probably not.. but what if... it gnaws at me to the point that I can't take it anymore. I'll spare you the ridiculous details, but 45 minutes of kitty tracking and one car ride to find the sign with the owners number and I'm finally back in my office. The kitty wanted nothing to do with me so the owner was going to take over the kitty tracking even though it was hard for me not to see it through. Currently, as of press time there is still no reunion, but I'll keep you posted.
  
  
• 9:25am -Back in the office ready to work. I hear a truck coming up the street (insert lightbulb) "shit, shit, the kidney foundation - I'm supposed to have had my stuff out by 6am... shit" Sprint down to the basement randomly start going through 85 boxes for anything I can donate. Grab two random bags of clothes and a basketball hoop thingy (?!) run up the driveway only to see that's not the right truck. Phew. Cut to me on my porch going through bags of clothes (I realize one of the bags is actually my summer clothes from the summer before I had Bridget) and I start saving random *still good* items just as a hear another truck and sure enough that's the Kidney foundation. The guy catches me hunched over pulling clothes out of my donation bags. The worst part is, there was still more good stuff in there, but I was too embarrassed to let him watch me pull crap out so I only made off with one jean skirt and red cardinals shirt.
  
  
• 9:55am - Brings us to now - instead of going back to work, I just spent another 15 minutes telling you all how I've frittered my morning away and, oh! Black kitty ALERT! She's back on my neighbor's doorstep. Gotta run....

Not even a cake as big as Montana could stop this girl!

I'm so so late in giving proper props to my most adorable niece on her 1st big birthday! I would blame it on the 87 illnesses making their way through my household this month (which, btw, wtf May?) but let's face it, this is most likely a case of inborn Jones procrastination, always thinking I'll have time to get it done and then never quite getting it done before the deadline. Sound familiar Mark?

Anyway, last week was a very BIG week for Miss Amelia. I can't believe (I know it's cliched) but I really can't that it was a whole year ago that I posted this. What a night...oh man, what a night - you're totally humming that tune now aren't you? Well, if you weren't before, you're welcome now. Anyway, that night was so awesome. My emotions ranged from complete and utter disbelief to complete and utter edge of your seat can't sit still anticipation. I still feel bad I wasn't more excited initially when Kim called to tell me she thought her water just broke, but in my small defense, I was in a newborn sleeplessness haze myself when I got the news and I just couldn't wrap my head around it! I mean, she wasn't supposed to come for 4 more weeks, how could she be on her way - was all I could think. That whole night I texted back and forth with Kim (while in labor, I might add!) and had the best sleepless night ever knowing I would soon have a niece or nephew. Right before I got the news I was in the middle of a dream about the baby who was born perfect and beautiful and it was a girl. I still remember it so vividly to this day. So when the phone rang at 6am that morning, I knew SHE was here, even before my brother officially said it. To this day, that's still one of my favorite all time experiences. Some day I'll tell you about the other ones.

In the past year I've watched that teeny-tiny, little baby girl - who I so excitedly/loudly told the McDonald's drive thru lady the morning of her birth, "I'm going to meet my NIECE today, she was just born 3 hours ago - FOUR WEEKS EARLY, but everything's fine and she's PERFECT!!!" - grow from that little beautiful bean in the hospital into a wildly vivacious spirit. She is so full of wonder and spirit and determination - gosh, that babygirl is driven... a good mix of Mark's sticktuitiveness and Kim's drive. She is the happiest, sweetpea (as her mom would say and I think it fits her perfectly) of a babygirl most times, but can also hold her own with the big boys. I just know she is going to keep giving her cousins Shane (and soon enough Bridget) a run for their money.


So, Miss A, it's been an awesome first year being your Aunt and I can't wait to see you walk, talk, run after the big kids and everything in between - and just think - that will happen this year! I know I'll blink and be posting about how much you've changed this year, so I'm going to keep holding on to today's details and embracing tomorrow's new ones! You will always have my heart as my first Niece, and although someday I'll be more than happy to share that love, right now it's all yours babygirl - I love you! And don't ever forget that while your mommy will hook you up with cakes 3 times the size of your head, Aunt Erin's always got your back when it comes to burritos that size.

---

HAPPY FIRST BIRTHDAY, Amelia!

What happens when I let her pick out her own clothes?

She repays me by channeling Cindy Lauder? Not cool Bridgey - oh,and the red/pink/purple combo was just about more than I could take. At some point during the day I believe I told my 2 y/o I was having a hard time looking at her...

At least she's patriotic, right?

From Polaroid to iPhone, I guess some things never change

When I was around 3, I was fascinated by my parent's Polaroid camera. On at least one occasion there is a long standing family story about me going up to the camera, pushing the button and taking a picture of myself. When dad confronted me about taking pictures of myself asking, "Erin, did you push the button on the camera?" Without thinking it all the way through, what with only being 3 and all, I confidently answered no. That would have been great save for the whole POLAROID picture part of it... you know the tangible photographic evidence that was simultaneously spitting out of the camera. It would only be 30-45 seconds before my squished up little face would start to appear on that flimsy polaroid film and I would be completely busted.

Flash some 30 years later to last Friday. I got a little bored waiting for tpd to return home from a seemingly never-ending happy hour with some co-blowoffworkonfridayers. So when the St. Louis February weather was warm enough to sit on my deck and enjoy a cold brew, what else could I do but to take pictures of myself with my way cool iPhone (ps - that's a rhetorical question)...

In the beginning, things were going great and I was getting some killer Facebook profile shots, don't you agree? The lighting, the freshly washed hair, the 18 ounce Schlafly glass... it was a Social Network profile photo dream come true...

But, just when I think taking pictures of myself can't get any better, an all-too-familiar cigarette smoke smell and barking little rat dog sound snapped me out of my iPhone photo shoot...

Internal dialogue running through my head will be brought to you courtesy of Italics... Maybe she didn't see you holding the phone way out in front of you and tilting your head in that no-double-chin sort of way... Surely the shutter snap sound you recently adjusted to the highest volume can't carry that far. Don't turn around. Don't. Turn. Around. And then.... I turned around.

I saw the puffs of smoke before I saw her. Dammit - she's outside smoking...dammit she totally saw the whole thing. Drop your phone, hide it, put it down now, you moron. She probably didn't see it or even if she did she didn't know what it was, right, RIGHT?!

"Hi!" I call out in such a self-assured, confident sort of way, that surely she won't know I was taking pics of myself (that same stunt I had tried to pull on my dad - at least this time the evidence was safely hidden IN my phone).

"New phone?" She answers back. Dammit, dammit - she totally knows what was going down just now who are you kidding... just come clean, idiot, make a joke, chill the eff out, everyone takes pics of themselves, right, RIGHT?!

"Um, oh yeah, I just got the new iPhone (so not true) and I was just sorta playing with it... you know, taking a few pics of the dog and what not..." I say back to her. Dammit, dammit - who says what not? Why did you just say that to her? Is 'what not' the new word for "myself'" cause SHE KNOWS that's what you were doing. Now she thinks you're a complete idiot, pack it up, go inside and for the love of god, STOP TRYING TO OVERCOMPENSATE BY TAKING MORE PICTURES OF THE DOG NOW, you're starting to freak him out, too...

Sorry Brogan, I had no right to drag you down with me.

The bottom line, I blame all of this debacle on tpd. Long withstanding issues of photographing myself aside, had he not been late, I could have made him take the pictures of me (yes, I do that, too) and then it wouldn't have looked quite so weird. So, yup fault = husband. Husband FAIL.

ps - I'd ask you all to tell me that you do this too, but you won't will you? No one does this, do they? Go ahead, tell me, I can take it.

Does the glove thing really surprise anyone?

Not the storm of the century here, but some nice little snow and definitely fun for a two year old. So, here are some pictures of my little snow angel as she put it, "I help daddy broom with my broom". Okay.... you go do what you gotta do, kiddo.

Really, she just wanted to eat the snow.
Artsy fartsy of course

Will someone please get this girl a matching set of gloves?

2009

It's not like she had matching ones last year either.
(Same coat, by the way - how value driven of me, no?)

2008

U-G-L-Y You ain't got no alibi... *UPDATED*

It's gotten ugly these past couple of days. I recently saw two ads that were so disturbing, I can't even believe that our society would use such ridiculous fear tactics and call them "moral" values - but I don't want to get started.... I was going to post the awful direct mailer I received, but I am so offended by it, I couldn't begin to subject my [4] regular readers to it...SO, I will just say that I am glad that after today at least that ugliness will be over either way.

BUT, I am nervous today, jittery even - and not just because of the free Starbucks I got for voting. I want the candidate I'm supporting to win so badly. I'm sure John McCain supporters feel the same way. It's such a strange thing really, that people can feel so strongly on different candidates, but without getting too mushy political here (is that even possible?) that's what I think is great about this country. We can all voice our opinions (some of us more loudly than others) but in the end, the country as a whole gets to say who will take over and what direction we will go. Personally, I don't want another four years like what we've just been through. I do want change, I do buy into Obama's rhetoric at times, but I truly believe he is the better choice of the two. I don't think he's perfect and I personally wish I was casting my vote for Hillary today, but I still believe he can make a difference and I personally do hope Dixville is a small sampling of how the rest of the day will go, but enough, we've hashed this out plenty over the past two years and there's not much left to do now rather than sip on my FREE coffee and let the country do it's thing.

So, lastly, on this historic election day, I leave you with the 47th picture of me with a Starbucks cup - did I mention it was a FREE one? Here's to being an American and being able to cast your vote for YOUR favorite candidate, regardless of who that might be. Now, get out and VOTE!


ps - Does anyone actually research all those judges? Man alive, did I feel stupid when it came to all those. I hope I'm not in the minority on that.

WOO HOO! I can't believe I just witnessed Barack Obama become president. This is certainly just the beginning of what will be a very difficult and challenging road, but I'm so excited to have witnessed this and to be a part of it - I feel very excited to be an American right now! Cue the "Proud to be an American" music.....

What? What do you do when your spouse goes out of town?

I make delicious Mexican feast... *updated* perez hilton style

All this - and it's made with turkey meat and 2% cheese...but 100% delicious...mmm...

Big Week Sunday, FINAL RECAP FINALLY

All I can say is WOW! What a week. I don't know if there could have been a better, more fun, more exhausting week.

I won't lie, Big Week kicks this week's ass. Compared to last week's tidal wave of activity, this week is like a pebble skip in the lake of life. (Yeah, I just typed that, wanna make something of it?) It was exhausting (especially with a baby that still doesn't like sleeping at night and parents who like partying a little too late into the night) but it was simultaneously exhilarating and so exciting. We got to see our babygirl really enjoying her birthday for the first time, then we welcomed Baby Rachel into our play group and helped her celebrate her real BIRTHday (not to mention the industry's biggest balloon that was totally the bomb), next we got to watch the Tigers kick some serious Illini butt (I can't use ass twice in the same post..) and we even caught up with some fun girls-only bonding on the deck (we missed you A-Le), and finally it was Big D's turn to celebrate 31 years of life. Whew, tiring but awesome and, well, really, it just doesn't get much better then to recognize and appreciate all these kinds of awesome life events.


So....sigh.... farewell Big Week Sunday, I don't know if you will ever be topped. We'll miss you around here at Ivy Trace, especially all the "But, it's Big Week Sunday" comments. But we also know it's time to settle down - we recognize we're a little out of control over here, believe it or not. BUT, here's to you, future Big Week (raise your glasses everyone). I can see you looming out there like a Typhoon in the Pacific Ocean of time (uh-huh, I totally typed that, too.) and until we meet again, it's been real....

Oh, how I've missed you big green...

Welcome back, we missed you! Nevermind the fact that this is decaf, but that's another story for another time.

Mystery on Ivy Trace (Perez Hilton style)

Approximately three months ago, my mom bought us a lovely intertwined hibiscus plant to fill a space in the landscaping that needed some added interest. Below is an artist's rendering of what that hibiscus looked like....before the mystery....

Here you will see the current state of the hibiscus is that it has ONE, yes ONE measly full blown growth left on the plant. This is the SECOND time this plant has been vandalized in less than a week. You might need to blow it up to see the pathetic state of the current plant as compared to the artist's rendering above.Approximately one week ago I went out to the car to find that about 1/2 of the beautiful plant was suspiciously missing. Just yesterday, I went outside to find that EVEN MORE of the plant had been compromised. Below you will see a tight shot of the scene of the crime, the cut/gnawed ends of the stems. Forensic testing is currently underway.

This time there was some evidence of an intruder left at the scene of the crime.

After the FBI completed it's criminal profiling, the sketch artist released this rendering of what may be occuring:


So, we know what the FBI thinks could be happening to the hibiscus on Ivy Trace, but I want to hear from you , internet peeps - what the bleeping bleep is going on?