May 18, 2009

Should I ask for my Cascading Style Sheets back?

I've tried to write this post 10 times now and keep going back, not even knowing where to start. Today was one of the hardest days I've had over the course of my professional career. None of had to do with too many deadlines or 8 different clients needing something right THIS second (the usual hard days like, oh you know, every third day) - this was different. This was all about being treated with respect, fairness and professionalism. The interesting thing is, while I keep replaying the events of the meeting where things went so horribly wrong over and over like some bad loopy old time movie the ending is the same: I did good. I should be proud.

I was completely railroaded today, thrown under the bus for completely bogus and unfair reasons, the likes of which I don't even want to get into, but it was awful. I was talked down to, yelled at and even had the worst analogy known to man thrown in my face. We're talking Apples to Volkswagens here, people. You see it's like this, friends - imagine that Pujols is the client and I'm -shit I can't even think of a Cardinal pitcher right now -but I'm the pitcher and I throw a slider to him and he swings and doesn't even hit the pitch ANYWHERE NEAR OR IN THE ANALOGY BALLPARK - that is how bad this analogy was! Ah! See how I just used a terrible analogy to describe the worst analogy ever - I'm so crafty like that - who wouldn't hire me?!

Basically, today I went toe to toe with a man with over 40 years experience in business, apparently none of them in professionalism or honorable business, BUT, 40 years nonetheless and I DID NOT let him steamroll me. I was caught somewhat off guard, but I had that little gut feeling this might be coming. Like when a girl is starting to realize that he just may not be that into you, but you keep coming up with reasons why it's still ok. The fact is, I had learned of some circumstances that might lead to him trying to get out of a contract with me. But, here's the thing, I probably would have understood. Be honest, be upfront with me - give me the same professional respect I've always given you. Tell me the real deal. But, DO NOT make me feel like I'm not doing my job so you can slink away under the table and give someone else (who may or may not happen to be your son) business.

I've been lucky. My clients are awesome. I've created lasting personal relationships with the majority of them and I will miss two of the people at this company more than I should in a client/service provider relationship, but that's how I roll. I invest personally in these businesses, I watch out for them, I get involved, I know their kids, their grandkids, what college so and so just graduated from. So, a day like this was more disheartening than anything today. I've been with them for almost 10 years and I walked away, I said I couldn't work with someone that would talk to me and treat me like that. 10 YEARS and I've never broken up with a client like I did today and it seems all too familiar to other personal past breakups. Think I'm exaggerating? I'm sitting here at 11:30pm, listening to sad songs on pandora, blogging about something people don't care about, eating snacks and drinking a beer. What is wrong with me?! I'm full of ickiness (yeah, that's right - ickiness) and all I keep doing is trying to remind myself that I did absolutely nothing wrong and everything right by this company. But, the sadness is still there - the ladies cried when they hugged me (twice each) and walked me out - CRIED, asked me not to go. It was really very awful and yet if I separate myself from it, it's almost laughable. I didn't make much money from this client, I worked with them MAYBE once a month, but that is how much I care about these businesses I work for.

I'm trying to remind myself of the strength and confidence I had today, something the Custom Web Erin of 10 years ago couldn't have even fathomed, but no matter which way I cut it, today was painful and unfair and I think I better go eat some bon-bons now, cause dumping one of my clients has turned out to be a little harder than it should be.

So, internet peeps, got advice? A good therapist? Gallons of wine? What do I need to do to feel better about this?


Kristina said...

Ewww...I hate work incidents like this! And I hate even more the way it seems to stick with you, even when you try to leave work at work. I try to remember that work is just work, but I always let it get personal, too. It's hard to spend 40 hours a week doing something (which is sometimes more time than you spend with your family)and not have some emotional attachment to it. I try to find a lesson in every experience, so just know that you are stronger than you thought, and he will be the one to regret losing you!

Mary Jane said...

Hi know how much I admire your passion. You're an awesome web his loss, your gain. Now let's see what TopDawg can do for him!

erindelanty said...

thanks mj! you'll appreciate they are on page 1 now! after all that!

Lisa said...

ok, get up right now (bring your beer), walk to the mirror and put on a sh*t-eating grin while saying, "It's a shame things turned out that way, but YOU F*CKING ROCK, WOMAN!" I know it's heartbreaking even when it's not your fault (oddly, sometimes more heartbreaking), but seriously don't lose sight of the awesome way you held on to your standards and self respect. Amazing how we get better at it over the years, eh? And it ALWAYS ends up a blessing, which i know you know. Oh, and what an example you are for your sweet Bridgey!

mcdelanty said...

i say revenge is the best medicine.