As much as I hate to admit it, he's right

Alternate title: My parents and brother seriously still love me? How is that possible?

Hello friends, no for reals, it's me. Here I am! Hello! Apparently starting a new business endeavor completely on your own and branching off from every form of income as you previously knew it, makes for a pretty busy lifestyle. So, I'm not going to try and make up for time lost and write about all the past three months, instead I'm just going to drop a big, heaping, steaming pile of complaints and poor-me whining on y'all. So, without further ado, here we go...

I wasn't exactly the "easiest" of all children. I'm pretty sure my parents will verify this. I have memories of points in my life, in what I know was very young childhood, where I would purposefully see how far I could push my parents. I needed control, I needed to be in charge and when I couldn't be or didn't get my way, I would TRY and insight anger in them even, try to get them to break. And, when they were completely at their wits end? Oh yeah, that's when I'd push even harder.

As I result, I logged many hours in a particularly awful corner of our living room, in a perfectly awful red velvet chair known only as the dreaded "quiet chair" (basically the 1980's version of time-out). I'm pretty sure if there was a bar graph of time spent in the quiet chair, Erin vs. Mark, my brother's would look like a tiny little adobe home, that barely stuck out of the ground, but that sat next to a towering skyscraper - the largest in the world. In fact, go ahead and just look at what I found when I googled this phrase: quiet chair hours logged erin vs. mark jones. Once in that chair, I would go into silent destruction mode - I would bite, punch and pick at the threads on the chair as if to punish it for being so red and velvet and AWFUL. This sounds pretty harsh, but I'm ashamed to say it's all true. I. Was. Difficult.

Well, guess what friends? Pay back is a bitch. I thought the "terrible" two's were rough. Hahahah what did I know, it's all relative, right? I spit on you and your mild tantrums, terrible twos. YOU WERE NOTHING then and you are nothing now.

The tantrums of the first part of 2010 have been unlike anything I have ever witnessed as a parent, or actually, just as a living, breathing, human being. The only thing they remind me of is... well, myself. Oh, and also a few choice scenes from a particularly well-known movie about being possessed, save for head spinning, at least - knock on wood- so far. Oh my god, the appreciation I have for my parents is beyond words. This is really hard. To watch your sweet, loving, caring little babygirl turn to serious exorcist-type behavior is just heartbreaking. And the cause? You name it - bedtime, nap time, morning time, Shane looked at her funny, she wants her Dora shoes, she doesn't want her Dora shoes, she's breathing.

To be fair, she is not like this daily, but it does happen and honestly it happens more often then I'd care to admit. I hate to be angry with her and I hate to feel any kind of bad feelings toward her, but in those moments, the moments where she's kicking me in the stomach from her bed or refusing to say sorry to Shane while screaming the shrillest most awful screams at the top of her lungs as he stands close by with the most confused little boy look, I have to honestly say, I don't like her much. Don't get me wrong, I love the hell out of that little girl, but those times, oh those times, those times are hard. Sidebar: Li'l g, I, in all seriousness, apologize to you, too. I'm pretty sure you probably wore those same confused little brother - what the hell is wrong with my sister, she's scaring the crap out of me - looks a time or two (or forty or fifty) and honestly, 30 years later, that breaks my heart, too.

I feel like we try every technique in our arsenals and usually all of them at once during one "episode" and while I keep telling myself this is a phase and it will get better, I honestly am afraid, very afraid. Because, well, I know myself. And "myself" took a LONG TIME to stop resisting authority or restrictions, and well, umm, actually maybe I'm still working on that. And, honestly, that scares me, because she reminds me so much of myself. Yikes.

In fact, most of the time, when Tim and I are discussing what to do, or buying the latest book on "scream-free parenting" (which, btw, I do not endorse as I have yet to read this book - finding it somewhat unrealistic for me, but I'm still going to try) he likes to remind me of the unfairness of it all. He was not that bad of a child, he did not destroy furniture out of anger or even kick or hit his parents or siblings, well, except for that one thumb biting incident and I can't even remember if he was the "biter" or "instigator" in that one....so, why is he subject to this cruel karma? Fair enough, Delant, fair enough.

So, there you have it - the big pile of parent (poor-me-and-my-daughter's-tantrums) whining. Now, I would be lying if I didn't admit there's a small part of me that admires this in her. I can't help it. She is determined, driven, full of emotion and opinionated. And, even through these awful fits and scream-a-thons, she is still one of the most loving, caring little people I've ever had the privilege of knowing. Who knows, may be one day in the future she'll have trouble keeping up with her blog.. or whatever they are by then... because she is too busy taking on her own business (or even the world) so SHE can be the one in charge.

PS - If any of you have any words of wisdom/advice/so been there/hang in there sister/ about this which does not involve the following duh information:

• Don't let them get to hungry/too sleepy
• Keep a consistent bedtime routine
• Stay calm, keep your voice low

I'd love to hear it! :)

I don't care, I'm going to try to fight City Hall

I'm motivated peeps. I haven't been this motivated since taco bell took away the fresco menu at my location. This morning on my usual morning routine I headed to QT to pick up a coffee and get my roomie a diet coke (closer than Starbucks on work at home days and they have a new Pumpkin Spice flavoring that's pretty tasty). Fine, right? It was a good QT trip, even talked to a nice police officer as we joked about the fountain soda machine and wished each other good days. Then we held hands and skipped out the door together in perfect civilian/servant harmony. Okay, that didn't happen but ironically I left feeling pretty good about the nice exchange. So good in fact, I decided to pop across the street to Sonic for a little morning pick me up. This is where things go down hill rapidly.

After receiving my delicious breakfast burrito (of course, what else?) I proceed home with all my morning treasures. Now, this won't mean much to you until I get the pictures and OH YES THERE WILL BE PICTURES, but the Sonic is on the corner of Sulphur Springs and Big Bend. So, to leave you can turn left on to either Sulphur Springs (an easy two lanes of traffic that is not very busy) or Big Bend (a busy four lanes with a turn lane right past an intersection). I proceed to leave the Sulphur Springs way, look both ways there is no traffic, make a left onto SS and proceed onto Big Bend at which point I notice a police officer behind me. Hmm I think, he kinda just ran that light behind me.... didn't take long to find out why as a few 100 yards down Big Bend and his lights pop on and this is where I'm pretty sure I threw up a little. I don't get pulled over, I've only been pulled over twice my entire life and one time was not my fault (I'm talking to you Delanty siblings) and I don't do well with authority as we all know.

I had a feeling it was either my headlight (but how did he see) or a rear corner light (I've got lots of light problems right now). *Please, please let it be a light.* Sadly, it was not a light. Apparently, you are not supposed to turn left across two lanes of slow traffic, but rather risk your life across 4 lanes (and a turn lane) on a very busy section of Big Bend to go left. I thought, ok, surely he will just slap me on the wrist, tell me not to do it again and send me on my way, I mean that must be the reason for my nice exchange with another SLC police officer moments before at QT, right? Wrong. Police Officer Kharma = FAIL.

Only moments after he AGREED with me that it was more dangerous to turn left across all of the Big Bend lanes rather than where I turned, said he didn't understand the no left either, and all but admitted to doing it himself, he handed me a good old moving violation and told me to drive safely. DRIVE SAFELYYYYYYYY???!!!! Really, cause that's what I WAS DOING when you gave me a ticket for it and told me to instead risk my life and others crossing 4 lanes of busy Big Bend traffic. Yes, I did "fail to obey a no left turn sign" BUT I might have saved lives. Okay, I am being just a teeny bit dramatic, but tell me peeps - do I have any case here? (Also, the sign is kinda bent over to the left a bit, but in fair disclosure, is there).

I called the County Clerk immediately when I got home to begin the next phase of the ticket, I like to think of this as the "whining" phase. It goes something like this (be sure to drag each phrase out in your head in dramatic whining fashion as you read):

-But, it's nooooooooooot riggggggggght
-It's soooooooo much more dangerousssssssssssssss
-It doesn't make annnnnnnnnnnnny sense
-There was NOOOOOOOOO ONE arounddddddddd
- WHY WHY WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
-It'ssssssssssssss not fairrrrrrrrrrrrr

So, to review:

• There is no such thing as Police Officer Kharma
• It is better to put yourself in a more dangerous situation then to disobey traffic signs
• Don't eat at Sonic
  

Any questions?

Also, any advice would be greatly appreciated. Is it even worth it to try and fight this or is it as black and white as sign/left turn? I think I know the answer, but damned if I'm not motivated to try.

Happy Freaking Friday to me.

ps - On a positive note, this did spur me out of my blogging funk, or then again, maybe your thinking that's not even positive either...