Riding the mushy rails, and I'm not sure when this train is pulling into the station

I'm marking this day, Wednesday, April 22nd, 2009 (still very much in my birthday season in case you were wondering) as a very important day for my first born. To many of you this may not mean much, but a lot of you will understand the extreme significance of the following words Bridgey said after we went in to get her this morning:

"I leave my wawa at home today, Daddy."

And just like that a little part of my heart sank. I'm so proud of her and so excited that all the work we've been putting in to giving her the self confidence and security to give up wawa (her pacifier for those of you who don't speak Bridget) is paying off, but when she completely of her own volition said those words before even getting out of bed in the morning, it was a little more suprising and heartbreaking than I expected.

I then watched her do all the things she usually does in the morning without wawa. She didn't move it from spot to spot as she got ready, she didn't give me a wawa kiss as we said goodbye, she didn't walk out the door with it clutched tightly in her hand or in her mouth and as daddy rolled the window down to waive bye bye and blow kisses, there was no blue wawa to blow kisses around. It was all so strange to me and all so fine for her.

Don't get me wrong, I'm sure this by no means is the end of wawa, but it is the beginning of a "bigger" girl time for her. I can just tell. It's been coming for a while, pretty much steadily since she turned two, but every week and every day I see so much more of who she is and giving up such a cherished babyhood item (even for just a school day) is such a milestone for her. Just please, babygirl, don't you dare think about giving up Pinka, my little anti-change heart can't handle that anytime soon!

I must say the real people I am thinking about today are her teachers. While this new found confidence seemed easy this morning, they're the ones that will have to deal with her at naptime and I'm not so sure I won't get an emergency wawa call at some point in the day. You know what, though? You better believe I'll be there in 6.4 minutes with wawa in tow. Baby steps.

My Favorite Time of Day Hey, I'm versed in case you didn't know, and yes, this is as effusive as it will ever get.

You fuss, you cry, you thrash about while I change your diaper and put on your jammies. Your exhaustion frustration is as evident as the weight of your eyelids. I pick you up, we walk over to your dresser, turn on your Celtic lullaby's cd and the twilight turtle. You perk up upon seeing the blue lights beam through Mr. Turtle's shell and pat it excitedly. I say night night and you squeal in blue light, twilight turtle delight and I know you're still my baby.

I pick up the bottle, you'll only eat 2 or so ounces, but I know you still need the comfort of it as we rock. I fit you in the small of my arm even as your legs drape well over the side of mine and your arms can wrap around my shoulders. I put the bottle to your mouth and immediately see those familiar heavy eyes appear as you struggle and fight to keep them from closing all together. I smile remembering that exact same struggle from breastfeeding you at two days old and I know you're still my baby.

After only a short time, you angrily reject the bottle. I know all you want is to lay against me now. I set the bottle on the corner of your crib and shift your little body upright against mine. Your head falls forward, you don't even try to hold it up any longer and I know you just want to burrow into me. In this small movement I find such happiness and inner peace. I hold you close savoring the smell of your freshly bathed hair mixed with soft bedtime lotion and I know that you're still my baby.

We rock to the Irish Lullaby (too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral, hush now don't you cry), I hear the gentle waves roar in and out from your sound maker, with each creak of the rocker your little fingers brush against my arm and I close my eyes and try to freeze time. I take in each creak, each wave, each lyric and each breath. Your breaths grow heavier and deeper until I know I have to lay you down. I lift you up and you barely move at all, heavy in your end of day slumber, you give a little sigh and wimper and I know you're still my baby.

We walk by your mirror, I'm meticulous in capturing the details of your sleeping face nestled between my jaw and shoulder bone, safe in my arms, secure. I want my mind to etch that image, unchanging any detail, of this fleeting and most cherished time of ours. It's yours and mine alone, when I feel most capable of providing you with everlasting shelter and love. This time, this most precious time, when I feel most grateful to be your mommy and when I know you'll always be my baby...

p(m)s - Oh my sweet god, I just reread that

I think with the sweet baby's first birthday looming on the horizon, I'm feeling a little sentimental. That, combined with some heartbreaking stories I've been privy to lately, add in a extra dose of hormones, and I've been feeling the need to capture my sweet boy the way he is right now. I'm sure most mommies can relate. So, if you're up for it, read away. Otherwise, I'll return to my normally scheduled light hearted, foul mouthed twitter and photo blogging in a day or week or so....

NONE OF YOU HAVE ANY FRIENDS

This one is for you, tpd - you bastard - you summoned the fail whale!

"You're I'm an addict, you I need help."

We interrupt this 6-part series that is so far only a 2-part series, but that we're still hoping will make it to a 4-part series, to bring you this...

Molina keeps a close eye on baby Pujols as the possibility
of a ball theft is very real and very imminent.

Maybe if I close my eyes baby Pujols will go away and
I can keep the glove and ball all to myself.

Whatever, I still have the glove AND pinka and you're not getting either one of those EVER.

Molina is in position and ready for the pitch.

It's a strike!

Baby Pujols says, "put me in coach, I'm ready to play!"

Let's Play Ball!!!!
Go Redbirds!

SIDE NOTE FOR @strongrhetoric Notice PURPLE couch in background. Jealous, aren't you?

Part II - The part where I get two days behind cause I can't stay on task

Belize - Our friends are back in action


The "private" beach on Belize - tpd's back is not in good shape this day, especially after the crazy, local speed racer bumpy boat ride to get to this private Belizian island.

We made fun of him a LOT at this point... mmmm... Belikin.

Pretty Scenery - you can see some boats in the background.

Pretty water, I couldn't stop taking pictures of it.

tpd assures he is in the BACK of the boat for the ride back to the mainland. it was actually really cool being in the back and we even saw a big manatee.
the water color here is simply unbeliezable.

Kicking back after a day on the private island with some Belize brews and food.

Friends rebounded, a couple of knock off Coach purses and good local brews.
An all-around good day, you gotta Belize me!