And we won't be seeing that mail carrier around these parts again...

Alternate Title - Turkeys really make me want to swear.
Alternate, Alternate Title - The fucking magically disappearing turkey

Consider yourselves warned those of you who may be sensitive to cussing. Okay, I'm going to try and make this short, but in doing so really try to capture a fairly typical Erin situation and the potential insanity that occurred yesterday. I'm pretty sure neither of those two things will happen, but here goes....

Yesterday.
Pulling into my driveway.
The Frames playing in the background (that has nothing to do with this story, but I do like the frames).

I was coming from a good biz meeting, lots of exciting projects/potential business opportunities looming out on the horizon (and I'm not even taking literary licensing here, that thought had actually just flashed through my head) and then there it was, out there on the horizon - well, out there on the 30 foot horizon of my driveway - which happens to be the back of a lot of condos.

*Gasp* - then outloud to myself - Holy Shit - there's a fucking Turkey on the roof. A, really big, mother fucker of a Turkey. I guess seeing a monster huge turkey right at the end of my driveway turned me into an even bigger pottymouth than usual, but shit! that was a big turkey or maybe I've never been that close to one and it was really a very averaged size turkey, but to me that mother fucker looked like a sumo wrestler.

I jumped out of my car, leaving it running (in park at least) grabbed my iPhone and prepared to snap "the turkey shot", @jkrums style (some of you will get that, for those that don't go here). So I may not be on the Today show and Dateline for my shot, but to me it was a shot I was really excited to capture and I couldnt wait to show my parents - more wildlife, very literally, in my own backyard. My parents and I have a long standing joke about the amount of wildlife that graces our house vs. their actual wilderness lakehouse. And here he was the, the pièce de ré·sis·tance, a BIG MOFOing TURKEY. He seemed a happy turkey, just walking along, pecking the shingles (I guess they peck?) hanging out on the roof, then briefly, turning to look at me as if, "oh hey, what's up, miss" (he seemed to think I was younger than I really am - I loved that turkey.)

**Newsflash**Already failed my first objective regarding keeping it short, didn't I?

So, back to the iPhone - I point it at the roof, and although through the glare on my phone screen, I can't actually see what I'm shooting, I'm fairly confident I captured him and am uber excited to send the photo to my mom when I hear the mail truck pull up.

I turn around walking back to grab the mail from her excited to have someone else to witness and cuss along with me, cause OMG, did i tell you there was a sumbitch of a turkey on the roof? I *interrupt her cell phone conversation* (which, whatever mail lady, what if I had a REAL mail question and didn't just want to show you a big fat turkey?!) point to the condos while still looking at her and say something to the *cleaner* effect of, "Look at that monster turkey on the roof there, isn't that crazy?" I see her face look midly interested as she stretches around me to get a peek and then see her expression change to confusion as she says, "Oh, well, he must have flown away or jumped down". OH NO WAY, I turn back around as she's saying this and sure enough there is no GD turkey anywhere - of course, OF COURSE(!!!). "Umm... he was just right there... he he.. I promise he was" I shout to her as she pulls away returning to her phone conversation, surely only seconds away from telling the caller on the other end about the effing crazy ass who just tried to show her a turkey on the roof of some condos in BALLWIN.

To try and wrap this up, even after peering over the neighbor's fence and looking everywhere for Mr. Turkey, I give up, grab my bread co. and head inside to at least review my photographic evidence. I mean Miss Mail Lady may never really talk to me again, but I'm safe in my own sanity, right? Sure. I was. I know what I saw.. that was until, I downloaded this from my phone:

Yup, blow it up, strain your eyes, whatever... you just keep on looking for that turkey cause
YOU AIN'T GONNA FIND ONE in this picture.... ???!!!!!!!

So, in honor of my upcoming admission to a mental hospital for turkey hallucinations, I'll help you visualize what I am pretty sure I did actually see, even if he magically happened to elude proof. Imagine the turkey in this video up on that roof and, see, I'm not the only one who cusses upon finding a turkey near their house:

(ps - this gradually becomes funnier and funnier the more you watch. to the point of imitating the stoner video taper and the turkey as well - whoooooaaaaa dude)