May 11, 2007

It's a Josh Groban kind of morning..

Tim just walked upstairs and said, "why are you listening to church music?". Defensively, I corrected him that it was not church music, it was Josh Groban. Of course, not knowing who Josh Groban even remotely is he just gruffed, "well, sounds like church music to me..."

He's right, it does sound like church music, but some days, especially right now during these very difficult times, I sometimes feel better by making myself - or maybe allowing myself - to listen to sad songs and feel down. To accept the sadness, to accept the aching in my heart that is constantly underlying, to acknowledge it and say to it, "hey, I know you're there, and right now, I'm going to let you come out and play for a little while..."

I'm trying and sometimes succeeding at believing that what my family and mostly my extended family is going through right now is a part of life. Take the beautiful baby girl that lights my days - she just entered my life - out of nowhere and became the biggest part of it, all in less than a year.

Just like I can't believe something like that can just happen, I also can't believe that such bad, terrible and completely horrible things can just happen... to really, truly good people. It's clich├ęd and certainly trite, but it is truly a cycle of life. I am not good at accepting it and I really don't think I ever will, but I am witnessing it and I am trying to learn and grow from it the best that I can.

So, while I struggle with emotions and showing them or masking them, today I am wearing them. I am saying to them, come out, just for now, just for this Josh Groban morning, let me feel the pain, the sadness, and then go back to your little hole deep in my heart until I need you (and Josh Groban) again...

P.S. To counter balance this downer post, you'll notice I've changed the look of the blog with a cute new summer look. That was, before the JG songs came out, but at least, it's not all so sad, right?


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