One year ago today..

My how time flies! I can't believe it was exactly a year ago, probably to the minute when I was doing pretty much exactly what I am doing right now: Sitting at my computer, checking email, doing a little work when for some still unknown reason to me, I jumped up and decided to take "the test". Without going into the gorey details, there really was no reason for me to believe I was pregnant and certainly no reason to take the test that day. It was definitely too early to be testing, if you know what I mean. But for some reason, I did it.

I leave my computer, take the test and then return to my work knowing it would be negative mainly due to the aforementioned gorey details. Plus, supposedly it takes a couple of minutes so I just left the test and came back to the computer to keep working. After about 10 minutes, curiosity got the better of me and I went back to where I had hid the test in my closet, picked it up and let out a very quiet little gasp. There in front of me was the faintest little tiny pink line. I was pretty calm, but in awe, it was almost surreal...am I seeing a line? Is that really there? No...it can't be....

I placed the test back under a stack of t-shirts, went back to the computer and proceeded to feverishly look up "faint lines" on hundreds of websites - work at this point was out the door. I still did not really believe it and to complicate matters, after an hour of internet research I find out that when you leave the test for more than 10 minutes faint lines called evaporation lines can appear when a test is not checked in the alotted time period. WHAT!? CRAP!! How long had I left it? Had it been 10 minutes? Crap, crap, crap (btw, that's the pg version of what I really said...) I had put myself in complete limbo land and now, I had to sit here wondering whether or not that was a "faint" positive line or "evap" line...and the worst part...I had no more tests. So, I put it out of my mind.. sort of.. and proceeded to finish up the project I was working on. It's such a strange feeling when you are not sure... it's a mix of overwhelming excitement, terrifiying anxiety, wanting it to be true so badly and at the same time not sure if you want it to be true. So, I had to just stop thinking about it.

After work, I made a quick getaway to do a little Christmas shopping and of course to get some more tests. I remember the feeling I had walking around Gordman's and it would just hit me that maybe... maybe... and I would just smile. Then I knew I wanted it and wanted it badly. After my trip to Wal-mart I came home with tests and immediately went back upstairs and tested again... this time I would not miss my window. In exactly two minutes, there it was again...the cute little faint line. This time there would be no "evap" line and I was sure, although, it was still so hard to believe.

Believe it or not, I just sat on that little gem of information while I proceeded to take at least 16 more tests (I'm exaggerating, but there were a lot!) of different kinds - digital ones, pink ones, blue ones, fast ones, slow ones - every last one was positive. That night, I went to Becky's Christmas party with Tommy and Libby (Tim stayed home with Riley who had hurt his leg the night before) and I fake drank Martini's and punch. Tommy even called me out on not drinking fast enough. I couldn't believe it - it was a Martini for crying out loud. Who drinks a Martini fast? So, I had to keep walking in the kitchen and pouring it out little by little. It was so weird, too, not to be able to drink that Martini, especially when it is all so new and you're still not sure you believe it...things just changed on a dime that day.

The next day, December 11th, was Mom D's birthday party at our house and I had planned on telling Tim that day, but the opportunity never really arose during the day with all the bday preparations and cleaning. I was going to go to Walgreens and get a card for him (and one more test...just to be sure) before the party so I made up some lame excuse to go and he told me that I didn't have time and why was I trying to push it to Walgreens... grrr...okay then, you won't find out you're going to be a daddy tonight. He would have to wait another day. That same night, again, somebody called me out on drinking water. Maybe I was just more sensitive to it, but I remember thinking so these people have "pregnancy-dar" or am I giving out "pregnant" vibes right now... how the hell?

Finally on Monday, the 12th, I set a hot dog bun and the controversial walgreens card inside the oven and taped a sign to the oven that simply said, "TPD, Open Me"... It felt like an eternity, he was in and out of the kitchen, back and forth and... nothing. It was probably the most nervous I've ever been in my whole entire life and the agony just kept getting prolonged. I would tense up every time he walked in there and every time he came right back out. I finally, after at least 7 trips in and out of the kitchen where he failed to notice the sign, marched in there, pointed to it and made him open it... I absolutely could not take it anymore. He opened the door and just stood there for a minute and ultimately just said "no...no... really?" I could tell he was so excited when it finally sunk in.

So, that's the way it all went down, starting a year ago right now, little did I know the extreme turn my life was about to take over the next 48 hour period and ultimately up to now. And here I sit a year later, with babygirl sitting on my lap helping me write this and I can't even begin to think about if that line had been an "evap" line...